“The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and
hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent
when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into
our souls.” -Elizabeth Cady Stanton
I read this quote and its power overwhelmed me. The truth is, I have been silent for a lot
longer than I should have been because I feared judgment more than I valued
honesty. But today is the day that I
change that view. Today honesty trumps
fear. I’m getting way too old to give too
many shits about being judged anyway. So
here’s the story…. (side note – there will be a “too long didn’t read” summary
at the end if you are already bored and just want the shortened version.)
Amy and I met when we were 25 years old - in August of
2006. We bought a house together in
August of 2009. In February of 2011 we
had our first child, and in May of 2013, our second. In late summer of 2014, Amy and I
“officially” parted ways.
I haven’t spoken a word of this to many people. I was so afraid of the judgment that I would
face for having a failed relationship.
Even more afraid to answer inquiries about the breakup. I could go on and on about the reasons behind
our breakup. TRUTH? - They are MY
reasons. I don’t want to hide from my
reasoning, but I also don’t believe that it’s anyone’s business but my
own. Just trust in the fact that after
being together eight years, it wasn’t a decision made lightly. Amy is an amazing mother and caregiver and no
matter what, I will never speak a bad word about her. It just didn’t work out for us. That is all.
Together we are taking care of our two beautiful children and making
sure they know they are loved more than anything in the world. The kids are handling the transition well,
and are still as amazing as ever.
So now that that’s out in the open, let me share a little
story. When Amy and I met, I had to
spend a lot of time coming out of the closet and do a lot of explaining to a
lot of people. In that process, I lost “friends.” These “friends” spent an awful lot of time
worrying about me and my relationship instead of worrying about
themselves. Judgment was abundant from
many. Coming out was one of the most
difficult processes I had ever experienced.
So now, in a sense, I am going to “come out” again – only
this time I will not allow myself to fear the judgment or loss of “friends.” A few months ago, I just happened to be in
the right place at the right time – and the stars and moon aligned just right –
whichever analogy you prefer…and I met and fell in love with an amazing man. So allow me to introduce you to James. A mechanical designer by day and musician by
night. He not only has an incredible free-spirit,
but also one of the most beautiful souls I have ever been so lucky to have
experienced. I am so proud to have him in
my life.
Sometimes life throws curveballs – but now more than
ever, I believe that everything happens for a reason. I’m 33 years old, and it may have taken a
while, but I have finally found myself and am comfortable in my own skin. I know exactly what I want and I won’t let
fear or judgment hold me back. I am
happier now than I have ever been in my life – and there are so many exciting
things that I am looking forward to in the near future (watch for updates if
you’d like).
So now that I have been completely open and honest about
the changes in my life recently, I know that I will lose some “friends” in the
process again. Here’s the deal, though….
If one chooses to judge me, they are not a friend I want in my life. Life is too short to remain unhappy, fear
judgment, and worry about what others think of you. Moral of the story is that judgment should be
reserved for the higher power – or your mom – because we all know that your mom
will always judge you….
TL:DR – Amy and Heidi broke up (frown face). Heidi found new love with James (Smiley
face). Kids are still amazing as ever
(big smiley face). Don’t judge people –
it’s not nice.
